Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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