Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
