was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
