my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize