Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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