you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
