Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
