i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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