we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
