How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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