Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
