he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
