I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
