Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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