what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The feeling are messing with the penis
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
