This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize