every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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