I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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