Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
