I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vagina just clenched in fear
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
