Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
