I skipped work to stalk him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
