What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize