I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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