She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
