just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
