You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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