I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
