I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
