You're my little dorito
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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