It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
