Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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