Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
