I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
