So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
