That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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