Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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