she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you never un-have a 4some
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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