you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish my penis had a tongue
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
