so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
