i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Even my vagina gasped.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
