i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
