how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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