big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
