Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
