The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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