I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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