this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
