Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
