Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize