In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
