All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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