You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hippo gnu deer
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
