Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
