You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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