dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
