They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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