When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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