in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize