1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
