first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am one with the molecules
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
