hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
