We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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