I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
