ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
