Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
