Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
