she woke up with a sticky ear
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
