it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
