1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
two words...techno handjob
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
